i hear, now that i may listen [//journal]

i would need more than two hands to count the number of times i’ve screwed up in the last 24 hours – either i’ve lost my temper, looked at something i shouldn’t have, wasted time, didn’t say hello to someone, said the wrong thing at work, failed to listen to someone who needed to talk to me, thought something prideful, You name it, I’ve done it.


the worst part is this: i hear You in the back of my head as it’s all going on. i’m glad for that. at one point i didn’t even do that. at one point i did whatever i wanted without a sense that i should do something different – now i know better. but i don’t necessarily do better.


i hear You saying, “Son, you know what to do. Son, do you really want that? Son, that’s not who you are.


God, my Father and Source – i hear You, but i’m asking You for the grace to listen. after all – it is You who works in me, both to will and to work (philipp. 2:13) and unless You build the house, i’m striving in vain (Ps. 127:1) and apart from You, i am capable of nothing (John 15:5.)


i can’t even listen to You, let alone hear You, without Your help. so – would You help? make me aware of the things in my heart that block me from acting on what You say in those moments that make the difference, the ones that can make me or break me, the ones that make the difference between bearing fruit and not bearing fruit. 


i hear You, now – that i may listen.


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