Here we are – it’s Friday night, my bags are about 99% packed, and I’m…well…I don’t actually know.
Tomorrow morning I’m headed to Honduras to be a part of a mission trip for about ten days, and it’s ticking a lot of boxes for me.
First off, it’s giving me a break from work. As much as I love my work, I’ve been in it for about a year and a half or two years with very few stops, and it’s at a point where I could use the break before I burn out for sure. I’m learning about things I do that are entirely in my head and I’m learning how to train other people to do them. It’s a funny thought: you have your hands all over a business and you are in it non-stop, and then suddenly you have to prepare them to live ten days without you. It’s really humbling, realizing you’re expendable. It’s a good lesson to learn. It’s better for my ego.
Second, it’s the first time I’ve ever flown, and it’ll be my first international trip with that. I’ve always been afraid of airports. Afraid I’ll not have some important document, afraid I’ll lose my luggage, afraid I’ll go to the wrong gate, or miss a connecting flight. It’s irrational fear, and I have no idea where it stems from, but it’s present fear. It’s fear that’s piping down, and it’s fear that I’m ready to conquer. If anything, I’m afraid this is going to create an itch to travel more and get on more planes – I pride myself on contentment with home, and I’m nervous this’ll ruffle that a little. We’ll see.
Third, it’s my first mission trip. It’s not a go-share-the-gospel-while-speaking kind of mission trip, but it’s a mission trip. Basically, I get to be muscles and general help for professionals who are setting up a dental clinic. And if I’m honest, I’m excited for the chance to be a little less introspective. The cycle of my life for the past year or so seems to be to hurt, process, and heal, hurt, process, and heal – between changing churches, moving, failed relationships, changing circumstances, etc – and while I am glad I can be introspective, I miss the chance to go be an agent. I miss how it feels to serve someone else, to put someone else first, to love someone else and care for them more than myself. It’s freeing – it allows God to do a work in us that is otherwise impossible. I’m ready for that.
So, I’m just sitting here tonight, trying to get my head in the right place for it. I’m surprisingly calm, I have no idea what to expect (in some cases) and I’m serenely excited. I’m grateful to the donors who allowed me to travel on their dime, I’m grateful to my co-workers who let me slip out of the country for two weeks, and I’m grateful to Jesus for the chance to do something outside of my normal sphere of influence.
I’ll post photos and write a debrief when I come home.