I hate silver linings.
I’m just going to be really honest. I hate when people start a sentence with, “well, at least…” I immediately shut down. No, at least nothing. Stop that. [this is actually similar to how I started an entry back in September, its called ‘grasping heaven’ if you’d like to read it.]
I’m a big fan of when people let things suck or let them be really good. If you had a bad day, have a bad day. Own it, and own how you feel about it. I’m a big fan of letting people have space to feel what they’re feeling. If you miss your significant other when they leave town, then miss them! Try to keep yourself occupied, but by all means, miss them!
So, needless to say, I sorta hate it when bad things happen and people try to pull people out of it by saying, “at least you can _____” or “well now you’re ____” or “maybe you can ____.” In my humble opinion, sometimes the best form of counseling is to shut up and listen.
And yet, I’ve found it to be true that:
if we’re too mindful of the past, we’re doomed to live in it
if we aren’t mindful of the past, we’re doomed to repeat it
if we aren’t mindful of the future, we’ll never plan for it
if we are too mindful of the future, we’ll never be present.
There’s some balance (there always is, isn’t there?) in being future-minded and learning from the past, all the while being present. And I, by no means, have found that proper balance. I still find myself beating myself up and mourning things like past breakups; I find myself inadequately learned from the mistakes I’ve made in the past; I fear and doubt because I haven’t planned for the future the way that other people I know have; and I shout myself down when I find myself dreaming too much. Surely there’s a way to process pain without regret and to process plans without unrealistic expectations.
Perhaps the most efficient way to look at it is this:
Learn from and forgive mistakes, failures and pain
Live presently, in the corner and space of the big story that’s being written, and dream enough to have an idea of what you’d like on the next page.
And then, let’s go write it. [but more on that tomorrow.]