Whirlwind: over. I think. I really hope, anyway.
I just got done moving into a new apartment (still living in Lexington, same job, etc, so nothing major in that sense) and I have never had such a chaotic move – it was a weird one, because my landlord said if I wanted to move in Mid-March, I could have that month rent-free. So naturally I did, but it left a really weird pair of weeks for which I was living alone in a two-bedroom apartment, going from living with two other people to living with none. I wasn’t completely moved in yet (bits and pieces of my stuff were left at the house) and I was working a couple of the busiest weeks I’ve had at work in a while, so early mornings and late nights, plus normal errands plus a move plus a new relationship equals absolute chaos. I’ve barely seen my family in the last month, had to say no to a bunch of social opportunities, and I’ve felt the overall unsettledness of being between places. It’s my first ever in-city move, and I didn’t really feel any pressure of time (because I had a whole month to live for free while the lease at my house was still in effect.)
But as of Tuesday night, we are 100% out of the old house. Now it’s just a matter of switching over the last of the utilities, cutting a check for deposit and first month’s rent, oh, and the small matter of paying outstanding bills from the old house (while me and both of my previous roommates are entirely broke, not to mention the fact that I won’t see one of them for a while so who knows if he’ll even pay? That’s another topic, though…)
Anyway, I finally feel a little peace. I finally feel rested. In fact, I finally get a day off from work. I’m about to get in my car and head to Richmond (I haven’t been to Richmond in at least a month) and see my old pastor, my spiritual father, Tim.
I’ve realized over the course of the last month how vital community is. I say that because I’ve realized how much I need someone to talk to – how, if left to my own devices and left alone and isolated, I will either implode and have an emotional breakdown (which has happened) as life’s stresses pile up, or I will explode and have someone else bear the brunt of everything that’s going on in my life. I’ve “puked” (my phrase for venting) to multiple people on the topics of girls, roommates, money, church, work, sleep and the lack thereof, etc. and I don’t ever feel completely relieved from it.
I think that’s because I haven’t been settled. Not to beat the dead horse of finding a church, but I still haven’t. It’s been a whole three months since I left River of Life, and I feel that. Every time I talk to people there, I feel so at ease, so welcomed. I remember the community I had, and I remember that I was (and indeed still am) very, very loved. It’s not a perfect church, but it was my church. It was the church that I gave my heart and soul to. I gave my time, my energy, money, resources, etc. to that church. And now I don’t have the an avenue or object to pour all of those things into. I have a job that keeps me busy (and therefore sane) but nothing is the same as ministry.
Slowly but surely, though, I think I’m inching towards the church I want to get involved with. And it’s scratching an itch I’ve had for a long, long time. I’m antsy to get back into ministry. Antsy to be in a small group again. Antsy to give a certain night of the week to a group of people, and give every Sunday morning to the same group. Antsy to know people with a presupposition that we’re all following Jesus and doing so wholeheartedly.
In the meantime, there are a lot of people I’m grateful to for their time, for their ears, for their understanding, and for fulfilling the biblical mandate of bearing one another’s burdens – Lord knows I’ve thrown a few on the shoulders of others!
There’s strength in community. And there’s strength in finding the thing to give your time, energy, and passion to. And I can’t wait to be poured out in that sense once again.
[side note to my faithful readers:] this blog, like many others, has been cut short due to time constraints. I’ve noticed I’ve become a much more concise writer in the last year or so, perhaps due to the fact that my job is so much numbers that I’ve lost my touch with words. Whatever! I hope you still enjoy and I appreciate your readership.