[mood: irritated, frustrated, perplexed]
I sort of give up.
Well, not really, but I’d like to.
If you follow my blog, you know that one of my greatest struggles of the last few months has been spending too much of my time alone. Since I moved to Lexington, I’ve tried to be much more deliberate about getting with people, having meals, having a drink at the local watering hole, going out, and – my personal favorite – having people over to my house.
But I’m bad at it.
A month or so ago, Godzilla (classic Godzilla) was playing at the Kentucky Theater, and I wanted to go see it, so I put the word out to my friends to see who wanted to join me. I invited upwards of 10 people. Two had confirmed.
None showed up.
One fell asleep, the other cancelled as I was on my way to the theater.
I’m not dissing my friends, I just have bad luck.
So I tried again – the USA were playing Ghana in the group stage of the World Cup, and I wanted to have people over to watch the game since I got cable for the sake of watching the World Cup. I again invited a bunch of people.
This time, I actually had a person or two, but it wasn’t what I imagined when I asked around.
There are other instances of my plans falling apart, but I won’t bore you with the details and I don’t want to make you think I’m putting down my friends.
I’m just frustrated, to be honest. I strive to live my life in more and more community with people and not to isolate myself, but it just seems easier not to even try, because time and time again people have a way of letting you down in different ways.
I guess this is all part of the practice, though. I have two options: quit or persevere. It comes down, really, to how important it is to me, and the reality is that it’s very important to me. Every time I have a good, long conversation with someone, I leave satisfied. Every time I spend a night alone, I’m unsatisfied.
Author’s note: this started as a much longer thing, but it ended up just being a quick little rant. onwards and upwards. it’ll be alright.