Sometimes the human psyche doesn’t make any sense. And yet at the exact same time, it makes perfect sense.
A perfect microcosm of that fact is this: I find it easier to be afraid than it is to be fearless.
It’s an odd one, this – because somehow I think that the burden of worry and anxiety, fear of what other people think, etc. is preferable to giving up control altogether, even though the sense of control I get from being afraid is just an illusion.
It’s easier to avoid calling the mechanic because I don’t know what I’m talking about and it might be an expensive fix than it is to call him and realize that God will pay the bills.
It’s easier to not go to the doctor because I might find out bad news and get a big medical bill than it is to go, trusting that it’s for the best and that God will again provide for my needs.
As I outlined these fears in my head, I realized a common strand: I tend to think I’m alone. My struggle for control seems to be rooted in this fear that God won’t come through when I need Him. Somewhere along the line I’ve stopped believing that God is sovereign, that struggles are temporary, and that the suffering (physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, etc) that we face here is as close to hell that a believer in Jesus will ever be.
Isn’t it absurd that I worship my fear more than I worship God?
Isn’t it crazy that I spend more time attending to what’s wrong with my life than I do God – who created me and everything He’s given me?
Isn’t it odd that I worry about not having enough money when God – who adopted me as His son in Christ Jesus – is infinitely rich?
I lose sight, and I do so easily. It’s a trap that men love falling into – thinking we’re alone, thinking we have to do life as mavericks, taking care of ourselves because nobody else can. And granted, it can be difficult when bills pile up and problems compound each other, when it seems like things aren’t going to get better. Sometimes things do seem incredibly bleak, but I’m writing to say this: I’m at that point right now. I have felt, in the last few days, like things can’t get better. I’ve felt like everything’s out of my control. I’ve felt like I’m a complete and utter mess. I’ve been as negative as I can possibly be.
In the Hunger Games, President Snow explained why Katniss was such a dangerous figure to him when he explains that she gives the people of the districts hope, and the only thing stronger than fear is hope.
The only thing stronger than fear is hope, and how much greater is that truth when I realize that the object of my hope – God Himself – is above every problem I could face.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.