The final four…(weeks)

I honestly did not realize I haven’t written a blog since February. You mean to tell me I’ve gone all of March without writing? 

Come to think of it, that’s not terribly surprising.

My computer has been pretty frozen for the majority of that time, I think it’s sick with some sort of bug and I haven’t found the time or drive to get it looked at. I’ve been doing all of my work and writing (including anything on poptheclutch [my other blog] on campus computers.) I’ve been fairly busy.

Not busy in the sense that I’m doing something every second of every day–in fact, quite the opposite. Busy in the sense that as soon as I’m done with something school-related–be it a paper, a quiz, exam, studying for an exam–I feel like I ‘deserve’ a mental break, so I do something like watch television, sleep, play on facebook or twitter, etc. I struggle with this because it makes me feel lazy–I know that there are people who work, work, work without taking a break, and go from one subject to the next. I find I can’t do that very well.

That’s not the only issue, though–I’ve felt very out of sorts this semester. Very unorganized–I’ve let little things like online quizzes, or something to print out, etc slip through the cracks because I simply forget. But on top of being out of sorts, I find it’s really difficult to get myself motivated to give this last semester my all. I’ve driven one of my friends mad with my countdowns of how many points I need in each class to get a C.

This is an issue for me partially because of typical senioritis–when you get to the home stretch, you just want it to be over. Add in to that the fact that to this point, I have had to maintain a 3.0 GPA (a B average) to hold on to my scholarships, and now that’s not necessary, because scholarship money has already been applied to my account. But finally–and most important–I’m not going into the field of psychology, which is my major. I know, I know…”why would you study something you’re not going into?” Well, it was a it of a last-ditch decision because I was a sophomore and I needed to choose something quickly. Psychology is interesting, and everything in life involves a little psychology, so I chose it as a blanket option. But while the majority of my peers are going into grad school, I’m sitting here writing research proposals that mean nothing to me because I will never see them into fruition. Going through classes that are designed to prepare you for the feel of graduate school when that’s not where I’m headed, and I ask the question, “why should I care?” but also ask myself, “why don’t I care?” I feel, in a sense, absolved of blame given my circumstances, but on a deeper level, I think it’s important to do your best at whatever you’re doing, no matter how badly you want to or don’t want to. Either way, it’s difficult to say. I’m at a bit of an impasse here, because both points hold a lot of weight, I perceive. 

 

Anyway, here’s the update of the rest of the semester: this Thursday, my last BIG term paper is due (it’s only 7 pages, thankfully;) next Tuesday, I’ve got a primary source analysis for history, and the Thursday after, I have my final article critique. I have to finish and present a website for my special topics class, and present my literature review (in essence) in my capstone. I have two exams on the Tuesday of finals week (8 AM and 6 PM, I believe) and one on Thursday. That’s all. 

After that, I’m going to go on vacation for a few days between Indianapolis and Dayton to relax (I haven’t vacated in a few years) and hopefully get my feet back under me. It’s been a long four years, and in another sense, they’ve been quite short. Either way, I’m glad it’s nearly over.

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